3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
