Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize