There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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