In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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