We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
