Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
