i think my tv is drunk
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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