We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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