He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
