She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
