Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The air was thick with penises
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
