Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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