I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
