It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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