About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
