I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
