Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
