I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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