Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
