just tell him i said nine months
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
