Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
