You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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