9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
