If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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