sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
