So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
