No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize