i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
