If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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