IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
