i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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