Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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