Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
