Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
