I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
