Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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