I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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