And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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