Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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