All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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