I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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