Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
