im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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