I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
