I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
