So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
