how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
