i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
