hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
