I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
false alarm, still single
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
