1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
this hospital has no fireball
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
