life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
