p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize