What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
