I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
