then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
