Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
