I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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