I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
