OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
People in love make me want to vomit
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
