Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
