So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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