Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
