You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
