i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
