I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
high people should be assigned attendants
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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