my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
