either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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