i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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