I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
two words...techno handjob
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
